After several attempts, finally I’ve successfully deactivated my Facebook account last Saturday evening. There isn’t anything about it which I particularly don’t like though. In fact, it’s been my virtual companion since I left home. It’s where I stayed in touch with people, got updates on what my family and friends were up to and also share a part of me to them.
What compelled me to deactivate was more of wanting to be in touch with myself – my thoughts and feelings. Facebook community is so huge and diverse; it’s so easy to get lost within.
It was scary finding myself lurking over Facebook first thing in the morning and before going to bed. At first, being alone in a foreign land where everyone who matters to me are on Facebook was my excuse of spending too much time on the social network. But I came to a point when seeing the page made me wanna throw up, seriously. So I decided to put an end to my penchant. For how long ‘til I activate it again, I’m not really certain.
After two nights without Facebook, here I am chasing a flood of thoughts running around my head. I can’t even remember when was the last time I sat in silence to contemplate. It suddenly dawned on me that I was already out of track on so many aspects of my life. At this very moment I’m not even sure what I really want.
I was too blessed to attain the things that I had dreamed of at a young age – though I never really aimed that high. I have been contented with all the good things life has showered me. I’ve always believed that like an open window, contentment allows happiness to freely flow within us. Yet life continued to surprise me in ways I could hardly imagine.
I couldn’t ask for more.
Perhaps I swallowed contentment in a wrong way so I ended up choking instead. It made me just slack while Facebooking with no anticipation and goals. It placed me in a midst of a quandary which seems to have no beginning and end. I feel like I want to do a lot of things yet I don’t have a clear picture of what I want to achieve out of them.
And so I try to get hold of these thoughts racing in my mind for they might just be the pieces that will complete the map puzzle that will give me new directions in life.