Tag Archive | life lessons

Dawn Musing on War

It’s already 3:30 AM in Bangkok but dreamland seems to be so far away from me. I read a book “Conflict and Stability in Southeast Asia” but it didn’t help me doze off. Instead, it led my mind to meander over what’s happening around the globe at the moment.

Environmental catastrophes wracked several countries such as the recent earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand and the eruption of Mt. Bulusan in my beloved country Philippines. Political unrest continues to escalate in the Middle East not to mention the conflict over a parcel of land and a temple between Cambodia and Thailand.

Perhaps, talking about war is not a new thing. War seems to be a never ending tale arising from both absurd to serious issues. I said “absurd” having Helen in mind, the face that launched a thousand ships resulting to the Trojan War.

Talking about war may not be new but being where the war is puts one into an entirely different dimension.

More than two years have passed yet my memories of the uprising in Iligan, the capital city of Lanao del Norte in Mindanao are still freshly embedded in my thoughts. Too much reading of news on Middle East made me remember my own war experience.

I was a Global Xchange volunteer then. We were a team of 9 Filipinos and 9 British volunteers who came to Iligan, the magnificent city of waterfalls, for the second phase of the Global Xchange Programme.

Me and my work placement counterpart Dee Mills volunteered at the Reconciliatory Initiatives for Development Opportunities (RIDO), a Muslim non-profit organisation established mainly to settle disputes between Muslim clans.

At that time, clashes between the government troops and rebel groups as well as kidnappings were rampant in Mindanao particularly in Marawi City, an hour away from Iligan.



Our work placement supervisor, a highly respected Muslim leader and peace advocate, brought us to Marawi City to attend the wedding of one of the Muslim volunteers in the organisation. It was my first time to attend a Muslim wedding and I had so much fun and learning.

On our way to Marawi, Kuya Pogs shared his experiences as a conflict mediator. He mediated between kidnappers and the authorities and between clans, amongst others. His sister explained to us the history of Muslim rebellion against the government and their plight for self-determination.

Seeing the face of Marawi was a bit surreal for me knowing there was an encounter between the military and MILF few days before we came. The place gave a historic feel emanated by the preserved historical structures and artefacts.

On our way back to Iligan in the evening, my mind drifted on negative thoughts. What if we will be ambushed or caught in crossfire? Then I told myself, “so this is how it feels to live in a war zone”. There is no peace in the community and peace of mind among the residents.

Who would have thought that I will experience more than just fearing the possibilities that played in my imagination? Few weeks before GX ends, a bomb exploded in Iligan City which marked the beginning of upheaval in the town.


It was never easy to be in such turmoil. Anything can happen anytime at any place. We heard explosions anywhere. The fear we were feeling was tormenting.

Our host family were already talking about leaving the place until things settle down. Then again I thought, “How can things happen so quickly that the other day they were going about their business normally and now they are faced with the predicament of uncertainty?”

They are a well-off family, I am pretty sure they can manage even if they have to start over again in another place. They have a car to take them to where they can be safe. What worried me were the thousands of people who have no resources to support them, people who have nowhere to go.

Witnessing things unfold, seeing the agony in people’s eyes, hearing different tragic stories was heart-breaking.

At dawn the following day, the whole team were evacuated to Cagayan de Oro. Everyone was devastated at the sudden twist of events. We were then looking forward to our community farewell and it turned out we were not even able to say proper goodbyes to those people who have been a great part of our 3-month sojourn.

On our way to Cagayan de Oro, we came across military trucks full of armed troops heading to Iligan. It was just one of the many things I thought I will only see on TV.


We stayed safely at South East Asia Rural Social Leadership Institute (SEARSOLIN), a unit of the Xavier University. We had a session to discuss and let out our feelings and plan what we can do for Iligan. How we wished we can go back and help the displaced people who were staying at the evacuation centres but we were not allowed for our own safety.

We felt defeated at the thought of leaving our host community when the very reason why we came there was to work for peace and development. But then, there are a lot of means to an end. Our team tapped several organizations where we can get involved in their relief efforts. We visited every class at Xavier University and encouraged students to donate goods and food.


My experience with war may not be that worst but the mark it left in my life was something I wouldn’t have acquired if I only read the news or watch it on TV.

It reminded me that material things, conflicts, ambitions, hatred and stuff of that sort will no longer matter when we are at the verge of fighting for our life. It made me wish for only one thing, to be beside the people I love most. It made me count the time I wasted not saying words to people who mattered so much to me. It opened my heart even more to other people and strengthened my compassion.

Perhaps, I can go on with my realisations but at this point, I want to end this by saying, we will never run out of ways to make a difference and help others, all we need is love and everything will follow.


The Living Dead

For almost 25 years of my existence, I’ve been to many places and met people from various races. I’ve had the chance to witness how people from different walks of life live.

I’ve heard people whispered their dreams to the wind and how they let those dreams disappear with just one blow. I’ve watched people fought hard battles; determined to win and reach their aspirations.

I’ve seen people try to win the heart of the one they love. However, as fate would have it, not all gets the chance to be loved in return. This causes most people become bitter and broken.

People live their life in different ways and in different circumstances. This is the beauty and art of life, no two individuals have exactly the same story.

But, if we try to look deep within each person, there is something common in most, if not all, of us; we are like a living dead.

Most of us spend our days full of illusions and dreams. This hinder us from appreciating the present moment and the fulfillment and joy it brings.

Many of us are trapped in the past. We spend our days full of regrets and resentment. We allow our past to ruin our present and what we could have become in the future.

Some of us spend our days worrying for the future. We spend our time worrying how we may survive in the coming days or how we can realize our dreams without even trying to think how we can make each day the best day of our life.

Living in the past and worrying for the future make us a living dead.

We go to work, talk to people, try to get busy and accomplish something but at the end of the day, we go home and lay in bed exhausted, unhappy and discontented. If we try to think over the days spent, perhaps we can only count those days when we feel really happy and contented.

Let’s not wait for the time when we reach life’s twilight; when our time on earth is almost over. Many people only realize what matters most in their life when they are about to die.

Many have reached their dreams only to realize they are not the things that can make them happy. And the sad thing is that, they’ve already lost the most valuable jewels in their life for the sake of those dreams.

Life is fleeting. Let us make the most of our days with people who truly matter to us. Regretting the past and worrying for the future is just a waste of time. It doesn’t help us in living the present to its fullest.

After all, life is not about how many mountains we’ve climbed but how many wonderful memories we’ve created along the way with the people we love.

A life changed by a priest

Way back in college, I was occupied with so many responsibilities both academic and extracurricular. I traveled a lot around the country and meet different people, some of them are famous political and showbiz icons. I was actively serving the Youth for Christ and at times, serve as speaker in various youth camps. I was living a very fulfilling life and there was never a time when I feel “bored with life”.

The drastic changes in my lifestyle since I came in Bangkok last year was difficult to handle. My work as a writer failed to give me the sense of fulfillment I would have acquired if I work in a development organization.  Though I succeeded in my task of raising our company’s sales, still I feel I was not able to fully use my knowledge and skills. My job didn’t give me the kind of challenges that I fought with as a student leader; challenges that somehow brought out the best in me.

Finding people whom I can relate with was also very hard. When I talk about books, global issues, life and the likes to my friends, they would gradually drop the topic. These things left me feeling isolated. It gave me the chance to delve into the past and mourn over the mistakes and wrong decisions I’ve made. Not so long, I fell in the trap of depression. The fall was high and it was very hard to get up.

I was left wondering how I will find myself again; how I will put up the pieces of my “shattered life”. The support and love of my family and boyfriend Omar was the only thing I’ve got to cling on. However, they are far from me; I couldn’t fully express my feelings to them and they couldn’t comfort me as much as when they are around.

Behind the tormenting agony lies the hope that someday all these things will make sense. I was on the lookout for His message for me. I always believed that everything happens for a reason and that no matter how bad are the circumstances, God’s blessings will always unfold at the right time.

Despite these small embers of hope that keep on burning in my heart, still I feel as if I was lost in the wilderness; I need someone to bring me back on track. And just when I almost give up, I met this priest who changed my life forever.

My officemate and friend Marlar told me she will visit a priest confined in the hospital just few blocks away from my apartment. I learned that this priest came to Bangkok alone for an operation after a motorcycle accident. Thinking of his situation alone in the hospital without anyone to call except the nurses on duty, I felt an urge to come not just to visit him but to assist him until he is fully recovered.

The thought of helping him didn’t happen as planned. On the contrary, he was the one who helped me; the one who carried God’s light back into my darkened life.

He patiently listened to my silliest stories, most of which were negative experiences. The load I carry felt lighter each time I share to him the things that confuses and hurts me. It wasn’t hard to open up with him as he is able to fully understand even my unspoken words; something only very few people can do.

Each day I am in awe with his wisdom and compassion. Every act he did, every word he said was full of lesson and meaning. It amazes me how he understand each person, with its negative and positive side. It amazes me how wide his understanding is and how he profoundly view life. It amazes me how he used only very few words to answer the many questions I had in mind.

He taught me how to forgive others and my past. He taught me how to live a simple life anchored on wisdom and faith. He taught me how to love myself. He taught me how to love others the right way and how not to lose myself in doing so. He taught me how to cherish the past, dream for the future and live the present moment to its fullest.

This great man whom I considered my guru, spiritual adviser and father helped me put up the puzzle together and let me see God’s message. He helped me appreciate my past, both the painful and joyful ones. He molded me to become a strong and independent lady but never miss to pamper the child in me.

Who would have thought that my depression could lead me to a person who became one of my life’s foundations? Who would have thought that his accident would make him heal many broken hearts?

Indeed, everything happens for a reason and every downfall we experience are part of God’s plan to give us only the best in life. Our suffering can either bring goodness to ourselves or to others. But, one thing is for sure, everything He brings us is for our own good.

Just as flowers only start to bloom in spring, His answers will be revealed at the right time He set in heaven. Like a beautiful rainbow that appears after a storm, our greatest blessings come after our hardest troubles.

God will never give us a cross too heavy for us to carry. And when we are in pain, we are never alone. He always sends people to manifest His immense love to us. I will always be grateful of what He sent to me. He never gave me anything less.

Now, I will go on with life keeping the most valuable lesson I learned from my guru: Always look straight forward.