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Longings of my heart

Cup of tea with lemon and honey

Enjoying my cup of tea. I love weekends like this!

My work had been hectic this whole month of August. After our communications workshop in Tagaytay, Philippines in July, I went home for an 11-day vacation. When I came back in the office, I was swamped with emails, reports and articles to write, and meetings which seemed like an everyday affair.

Yesterday I was writing a report then decided to take a 10-minute break to just breathe and do some stretching. I suddenly felt a longing for some creative activities. But no, not only that, I longed for the tranquility of a slow-paced lifestyle I once enjoyed when work was still not as busy as now. These days I normally go home after 6PM even if work finish at 5:30.

I miss photography. Before, I only had my pink Sony digital camera. But with the limitations of digital cameras, I decided to get a DSLR. However when I got my Nikon D3100, that was when work started to get busier. I hardly find time to take photos, much more, learn the technicalities of photography.

I miss drawing. Well, I was never really into drawing. That was only my childhood hobby. But I started drawing again in 2011 and to date I only managed to draw four. Although sometimes, I just feel like doodling or painting. Unfortunately, when that craving hits me, I’m usually out of the house or in the middle of work so I don’t get to sit and draw.

I miss yoga. I have been fascinated with yoga since the first time I knew about it. I joined a class in February but a lot of travels in Thailand and abroad followed after I finished the beginner’s class. But I’m thinking of enrolling in another session soon, hopefully I will find the time.

I miss writing. I’ve been wanting to write about my recent travels but somehow, I find it hard to write when I don’t feel like writing. I know, I read it several times that writers shouldn’t wait until they feel the urge to write. But my few attempts in the past all failed. I haven’t gone past staring at an empty page and a blinking cursor.

I miss those weekends when I’d just enjoy a cup of tea and a good book or watch a documentary and news on BBC. Although my long train rides to and from work every day enables me to read, still it’s different when the environment is more relaxed and quiet.

Sometimes, we tend to get so overwhelmed by our fast-paced lifestyle. Worse, we are inundated with technology that at times we forget to even appreciate the aroma of coffee or the warm hug of our loved ones. So today, I decided to refuel my soul by not working; by letting go of the chattering in my head. I will be still and enjoy a cup of tea; savor the serenity of a relaxing Saturday and be thankful for the gift of life. I will hold my camera and write again. Sometimes, we just have to stop planning and wanting, and instead start doing. Happy weekend 🙂

Marathon of thoughts

After several attempts, finally I’ve successfully deactivated my Facebook account last Saturday evening. There isn’t anything about it which I particularly don’t like though. In fact, it’s been my virtual companion since I left home. It’s where I stayed in touch with people, got updates on what my family and friends were up to and also share a part of me to them.

What compelled me to deactivate was more of wanting to be in touch with myself – my thoughts and feelings. Facebook community is so huge and diverse; it’s so easy to get lost within.

It was scary finding myself lurking over Facebook first thing in the morning and before going to bed.  At first, being alone in a foreign land where everyone who matters to me are on Facebook was my excuse of spending too much time on the social network. But I came to a point when seeing the page made me wanna throw up, seriously. So I decided to put an end to my penchant. For how long ‘til I activate it again, I’m not really certain.

After two nights without Facebook, here I am chasing a flood of thoughts running around my head. I can’t even remember when was the last time I sat in silence to contemplate. It suddenly dawned on me that I was already out of track on so many aspects of my life. At this very moment I’m not even sure what I really want.

I was too blessed to attain the things that I had dreamed of at a young age – though I never really aimed that high. I have been contented with all the good things life has showered me. I’ve always believed that like an open window, contentment allows happiness to freely flow within us. Yet life continued to surprise me in ways I could hardly imagine.

I couldn’t ask for more.

Perhaps I swallowed contentment in a wrong way so I ended up choking instead. It made me just slack while Facebooking with no anticipation and goals. It placed me in a midst of a quandary which seems to have no beginning and end. I feel like I want to do a lot of things yet I don’t have a clear picture of what I want to achieve out of them.

And so I try to get hold of these thoughts racing in my mind for they might just be the pieces that will complete the map puzzle that will give me new directions in life.