Tag Archive | woman

New life down under

It was only when I was already on the plane to Sydney that it started to sink in that I am moving here. Having gone through many ups and downs, I did not expect much of what my life will be like here.

Dawn above the sky

Sydney Australia

I left home on Friday at 6:30 and arrived in my new home in Sydney Saturday at 13:15. It was a tiresome trip from 30 degrees to 15 degrees. My body felt frozen but I still managed to grab groceries. I was ecstatic to find out that my area has a lot of Thai restaurants – I’ve passed by at least 6 of them – as well as Thai massage. The area is actually very Asian as most restaurants are either Thai, Chinese, Korean, Japanese or Vietnamese. But because I just came from Bangkok and my roommate Lavina from Taipei, we opted for Japanese food. I fell asleep at 20:30 still holding my phone.

I woke up Sunday feeling energised. Since Lavina has only a week in Sydney before moving to Macquarie University, we decided to be tourists for a day. We were lucky the weather was pleasant, sunny and not too cold. And on top of that, my place is close to the Sydney Harbour, just 10 minutes through a free bus! How cool is that?!

Sydney Harbour

Our first stop was at The Rocks along Sydney Harbour. It is known as the land of the Gadigal people and the first place of European settlement in Australia. During weekends there are stalls all over the streets selling various products so it is fun to walk around. There were also musicians playing soothing songs and instrumental. From there you can get a good view of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge.

Sydney Opera House

Mugs at The Rocks Sydney

Wall decor at The Rocks Sydney

The Rocks Sydney

Watch necklace at The Rocks Sydney

We had lunch at Phillip’s Foote, a hidden gem within busy The Rocks established in 1975. The restaurant is a bit hidden behind a pub, we would not have found it had Lavina not seen the ad on steak at $40 for two to commemorate their 40 years anniversary. We loved discovering this restaurant. With trees and plants around, you can’t ask for a better ambiance after a long day of walking. And their steak was just delicious. You have to grill it yourself which was an added fun.

Photo from Phillips Foote Facebook Page

Photo from Phillips Foote Facebook Page

My massive lunch!

My massive lunch!

After lunch we went to the Opera House and walked to the Royal Botanic Garden. This park is huge; a perfect place to chill out when readings and essays will begin to drown me. Across the park is the State Library of NSW. When I saw the library, my heart skipped a beat. I can’t believe I live close to everything that nurtures my soul!

Royal Botanic Garden Sydney

State Library of the New South Wales

From SLNSW we walked to St. Mary’s Cathedral the prettiest church I’ve been to next to Westminster Abbey in London. It was amusing though because just outside the cathedral there was an ice skating rink which I bet was only for the weekend.

Inside St Mary's Cathedral Sydney

Across St. Mary’s Cathedral is Hyde Park, another good place to relax. From there we walked back, dropped by the dirty market to grab fruits and headed home.

I had a dynamic life in Bangkok but moving to Sydney was a huge change, I still can’t help but feel uneasy. All I did in the plane when fear started to creep in was meditate. I told myself to live in the moment and deal with whatever challenges that will come with calmness and kindness. I let my expectations low so that I will be less disappointed. And as it turned out, the universe seemed to be conspiring to grant more than what I could hope for a home away from home including housemates that I am now so fond of. I can only wish Lavina will stay longer coz other than she is the sweetest, she also brings the vibe of positive change, new beginnings and adventures. But short was our time together I am grateful we found each other; two kick-ass women plunging into an ocean of risks and possibilities.

Sydney harbour with the Opera House


Smile with your eyes

Photo by miaymarch.com

Photo by miaymarch.com

I’ve always considered New Year as a symbol of hope and renewal. I welcomed 2015 with positive anticipation. And for the first time in six years, I get to spend it with my family. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted it to be my “kick-ass awesome year” ever, some things are just out of my hands. My yet to be resolved past mingled with dramatic changes in both my present and future professional and personal life.

If there is one word that can epitomise my life in the first quarter of 2015, it will be ESTUARY.

Amidst all these lies my resolve to empower myself.

Being a photography enthusiast — as you may have noticed from most of my Facebook and Instagram posts– I wanted this transitional stage in my life captured. This became more timely with my birthday turning me to the last year of my twenties.

As fate would have it, I bumped into the blog of Mia and saw her “Love you now, love you more after” photoshoot concept. Reading about this session felt like reading my thoughts on screen. She nailed what I had in mind.

“Smile with your eyes,” Mia asked me several times. It was my first professional photoshoot so I would have felt like a star in front of her lens. But no, all I had were unwelcomed thoughts flooding on me. I felt I was not okay yet. I didn’t want to pretend to be smiling sweetly but felt like in an emotional tornado inside – yep, going to Sydney in less than 3 months from now creeps me out like anything too. Change is always scary, huh! – The worst deception is that of our own self, indeed.

I was once asked what it is to be an empowered woman. My response was simple: an empowered woman is one who is able to make informed decisions for herself and is able to maximise her full potential.

And then it hit me.

Mary Antonette Abello

An empowered woman is one who is able to celebrate her strength and vulnerability; embrace her brokenness and nurture her inner power; forgive her past and high five the future as she can’t be truly bothered by it yet because being in the present moment is paramount. Amidst any storm she will carry on. She will choose selfless love over possession and integrity over personal gains. She will not be crippled by discrimination, abandonment nor injustice. She will rise, speak and act. She will respect herself.

She will smile with her eyes.

Cheers to womanhood! And this may just be a kick-ass awesome year after all!

P.S. If you are in Bangkok and up for a photoshoot for yourself or your family, then Mia (photographer) and Erika (make-up artist) is the team for you. What makes them different from those in the studio is the personal touch. They make sure you are comfortable and they allow you to take your time. And they are sooo fun to be with too!


Take a bow with grace

Women in India“It feels painful right now, but I can take a bow with grace.”

At the height of a political tension, I got a very emotional email from a young woman MP. I admire her because she chose to lose and be consistent with what she stands for instead of turning herself into an opportunist who jumps off to where she can find shield and greener pasture. A woman who explicitly speaks about contentious topics easily becomes vulnerable particularly in a male dominated society.

Someone told me I am married to my work and that I talk about it anywhere even on Facebook. He expressed his annoyance on some of my posts where I rant about how conventional media is shaping women’s mindset, making them feel that being inferior and martyr is the way to show their love for a man is true.

Is it okay to say I understand his irritation because he is a man? I am not sure if saying so doesn’t make me stereotypical. What I know for sure is that the depth at which men view women as subordinates is too deep I don’t think I will ever witness the end of women’s fight for basic human rights ending in my lifetime. Awareness alone is not enough to change a man –or a woman’s—long held beliefs of gender roles and cultural norms which are the main culprit of gender violence. It requires a man’s recognition that something is wrong in our society and make the effort to confront his cemented mindset of gender roles; I understand this is not easy. It also stems from a woman’s recognition of her value and rights, and learn to stand up for what she deserves; I understand this is not easy too.

It feels odd why I have to explain to him why I post so much about feminism –I could have just said that men like you who prefer to keep a blind eye is the reason why I do what I do — but I did explain.

A colleague once asked me, “How do we really end violence against women?” I can imagine thousands of answers sprouting in my head like mushrooms that suddenly transformed into a web where one is interlinked to the other. I chose a simple answer, “It must start in the family.”

Children conceive the pillars of their consciousness at home. Unfortunately the case is often where young boys see how their father dominates in the family and young girls see how their mother accepts their inferior role. Then they go to school and read textbooks filled with gender biases and immerse themselves in a society that reaffirms this set up.

Gender violence and inequality have several facets and faces and I understand the importance of tailoring our subject on what people can relate. I have diverse friends on Facebook of which many of them are empowered women. Still, I post if only to keep the idea floating. Who knows it can provoke someone into evaluating his/her preconceived notions around these issues?

I know a lot of women who lost their confidence after a breakup. They start to question their value thinking it is not enough for a man to continue loving her. They carry this feeling of inadequacy without realizing it manifests in how they view themselves, how they relate to others, how they work and in general how they live. Some women are so weak the only way they restore their self-affirmation is to get the man back by pleasing him. Submissiveness is never a genuine act of love because if we cannot see our own worth, we can never learn how to truly value other’s worth.

How women handle a relationship is carried over marriage and what she imparts to her children. I cannot be so idealistic as to think I can change the world. But I am hoping to extend my message in whatever ways I can that our value lies within us, not on how we are treated by a man. We should not allow men’s intimidation –be it in a relationship, in school, at work– to hinder us from reaching our fullest potential. As long as we allow a man to affect us and paralyze our morale, our gender will always be looked upon as weak and incapacitated.

Women India

I believe in the ripple effect and I understand that the principal individuals we can influence are those around us. I cannot inculcate any insights to women –or men– I could not reach out. I don’t know if my writings make any difference although my mom once told me someone who is not even my Facebook friend but who gets to read some of my public posts said it inspired her. After all, this is what matters most right? Making a difference on how one person feels about herself/himself is more than enough.

I may be married to my work but this is only because what I do is not just a means to earn a living, it has become my calling, my vocation. A colleague told me that I have this personality appeal that makes people to want to talk to me, which perhaps she noticed when a lot of our colleagues would comfortably email me. Somehow I managed to bestow myself with the license to be a certified confidante for longer than I can remember. In fact our school principal before has warned me that if I continue to be like this – a sponge – I will face the problem of not being able to deal with my own emotional turmoil. She was right.

Despite my own emotional struggles and burnout, I rise each day and keep going. I always remind myself that my adversities are nothing more than the suffering faced by other women; those women whose tongue were cut and electrified in Iraq during Saddam Hussein’s time; women who experienced genital mutilation in Africa; women who were raped, trafficked; the cases of violence are enormous. I rise because it takes one woman to inspire another. And like what the woman parliamentarian had said, we must take each bow with grace.